Welcome to my blog. I respond to Angela. This is a blog that is probably never genuinely happy and a tad deep...but read on.
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posted : Monday, December 12, 2011
title : When you reach the point of no return.
When we drink we get drunk. When we get drunk we fall asleep. When we fall asleep we commit no sin. When we commit no sin we go to heaven. SSSooo lets all get drunk and go to heaven!~ Hey long time no blog! XD Well basically holidays have now officially started. Looking forward to it because that means sleeping in, more shopping times, dinner parties, parties…and more parties. Mum and I decided to join fitness first and exercise more these holidays to STAY HEALTHY!! Arghh I’ve got an entire plan and list to revive myself and my skin these hols. Hope I stick t it though because I always tend to slack off after like the first two weeks. So as soon as holidays started my crappy school computer decided that it was going to break on me…again. This time round the keyboard will not work. No matter how much a whack it or hit it nothing will click. Well at least the mouse still works but I’ve decided to use that as a perfect opportunity to ask my parents for an iPad. So that’s it. Next year I shall be taking an ipad instead of a dumpy school laptop. This ALMOST makes me wish school will start soon. Almost but not quite.   Being the total crazy girl that I am I’ve already started making of the stationary and gadgets that I’d like to get my hands on for school and personal use as well. I swear I really should be happy with what I already have but for some reason as soon as I achieve or get something I want more. There is always something that I want or seem to need. >< Recently gotten into the addiction for Italian food. So for my birthday this year I’m planning on holding a family dinner party there. Yum Yum!~ Annywayss CIAO! For now. xoxoxo |
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posted : Tuesday, November 8, 2011
title : The fears of inadequacy and failing as a human
 Its what high school does, It changes people, into the person they said they would never become So I was cooking dumplings in the afternoon and while I was waiting for the water to boil i decided to look out at the window and what do i see? I saw a white dog being swept along the river by the water current across from the bridge and then disappearing from sight. I literally stood there for another minute or two just gaping at the sight cause i was so shocked. Now all i can think about is the dog. Soo sad cause it most likely drowned. ;( Anywayzz I got bored today so I decided to bake my first ever cake. Yes, I know its shocking but honestly I have never baked in my life before. The cheese cake I tried to make turned out surprisingly ok. I think. My piano teacher wants me to play in the Christmas concert that his holding at the Conservatorium of music. I told him I get stage fright but the he goes " Oh don't worry I'll be with you on stage to turn your music sheets". ==". I think I hate him now. SC is nearly over now. Only the computing skills test to go then I'm done and free! Yay!!  Baby Minnie Mouse <3 I think recently I'm getting back into the addiction of stuffed toys again. Ohmigod I just can't resist hugging every single cotton filled animal when I walk past then at the shopping centres. Arghh there adorable little eyes begging to be taken to a home. Too bad I chucked out all of my toys when i moved houses. The one and only stuffed toy i have in my room is this small white bear that i got for Xmas that i rarely touch because well...it doesn't make me "feel" anything. I love gifts and stuff toys with meaning, ones that make me think of something special. And a white Xmas bear that i got from a distant family friend just doesn't cut it. |
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posted : Thursday, October 27, 2011
title : I wanna get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, I wanna get lost and I don't know why.
 When life gets the better of you, what are you going to do? Are you going to just fall down and break like fragile pieces of glass? No you’re going to stand back up and rebuild yourself with more walls to protect yourself. The more you fall the harder you get. But what happens when you start to get lonely inside those high walls you’ve built? What happens when no one is able to get through your walls? Are you going to die with no one around you but your walls? You can never win the game that fate built for you… Arghh everything in school seems so bludge nowadays. I feel like relaxing and chilling in every single class and I’ve gotten into the habit of sleeping in English (my teacher’s on old lady so she can’t see me sleeping even though I sit at the front). My maths classes are spent with me daydreaming at the back of the class and my Chinese lessons with me daydreaming at the FRONT of the class. Ohh SC coming up but strangely I haven’t been anxious yet….YET. There’s a 99.555% chance that I’ll start freaking out the night before. P.S The only reason I sleep I English is because my teacher (despite the fact that she’s getting close to well…dying) is able to talk on the same subject for over 45 minutes straight. I swear she could totally win the impromptu speaking prize for being able to talk that long off the top of her head. Lately I have been sleeping with wet hair EVERY single night. This is pretty unusual for me because I use to think sleeping with wet hair will give me migraines when I got older but now…meh I honestly couldn’t care less. Well that’s not entirely true. I care A HELL OF A LOT when I wake up in the morning with a bird's nest that I call hair. Ohhh so excited granny is coming home from overseas and she said she got me prezziess! Haha before she left I gave her a long long list of things to get me from overseas and it looks like she managed to get them all!! YAYYYY! Anywayss i should be sleeping now. xoxoxo |
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posted : Thursday, October 20, 2011
title : Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way
 Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand. I wake up and think dreams are real. I sleep so I don't have to feel. Hiya, long time no blog XD Haha that sounds weird. So todays in commerce our teacher was talking to us about independence and moving out of home. Which got me motivated to look at apartments for SALE (because I really don’t like renting) on Domain.com. I kinda don’t want to move out as soon as I turn 18 but I then the more I think about it the more I do want to move out. If I moved out I would really want a place in the city, because I enjoy night life more. Somewhere that is always busy and full of life with glowing city lights. The apartment i found was totally AWESOME! It even lets you have pets. Here's the link. http://www.domain.com.au/Property/For-Sale/Apartment-Unit-Flat/NSW/North-Sydney/?adid=2009233190 Pros of moving out of the house:
Cons of moving out of the house:
Chinese excursion to the White Rabbit Gallery tomorrow. This particular excursion took my Chinese teacher two terms to organise. Not really excited to go though cause we can only leave school at 12:30. Anywayss time for a quick night run. BYE! xoxox      |
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posted : Friday, October 7, 2011
title : Nothing will ever be the same again.
 I need to stop. I need to stop doing this. It bad for me I know. It will ruin me I know. But why? Why can’t I stop? Because it’s the only way to make me feel better. How can something that supposedly makes you feel good fuck you up at the same time? Currently sporting a massive bruise on my right rib because my dog decided to pounce on me…for fun. Imagine a little girl getting a 60kg Rottweiler jump on her. The end result? Not good. School starts on Tuesday, though I must say I am dreading the senior uniform. I got it tailored to the exact length of my old dress, maybe an inch longer but I still look like a nun. My holidays this time has been eventful. Some in good ways some in bad but then again, good and bad always come in the same package. There is nothing to blog about these days. Unless you want to hear my sob stories, but then I don’t want to share. I cried when you left. Now I'm living in a house of cards that will come tumbling down with one blow. I'll dance by myself in this empty room. I'll sing to myself a quiet lullaby and pray that you come back soon. |
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posted : Sunday, September 25, 2011
title : I'm often silent when I am screaming inside.
  Damaged people are the most dangerous. They know they can survive anything. I am finally on holidays! My last exam finished on Thursday which was Chinese and I swear to god I failed that exam and its soo sad cause I actually studied for it :( (Formal dress rant coming up, close this if you do not want to endure the pain) So now I am in stress mode because I am convinced I will never find my formal dress. Like I am not worried about the shoes or clutch or anything, but the dress is like OMFG! I just can’t find my perfect one. I really don’t want to buy online cause I will be paranoid about the material and fitting. FUUCCCKK MYY LIIFFEE! I now regret rejecting to go to Taiwan with my grandparents… I could’ve bought my formal dress there >< On the brighter side thought I am going formal shopping on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday XD On Friday I had to go get a blood test ( I swear this has been my like third blood test for the year). One thing you guys should know. I. HATE. BLOOD. TESTS. Its not that it hurts or anything but I just get myself so worked up 1 hr before the test by the time I go in I’m ready to faint. They took 5 tubes from me which was way better then the ten tubes they took from my grandpa ><. That night I ended up playing 4 hrs of piano…and I don’t even know why I played for so long. Anita, Sanghee and I decided to do our Commerce project on Saturday We chose to do fashion co-ordinator as a career and Angela Cai was the model…in the cold cold weather. As you guys may know it was a gloomy, chilly and rainy day on Saturday and the photo theme we had chosen was spring. So I had to wear dresses and shorts and put a pissed look on my face for the shoot ( I wasn’t even allowed to twitch my lips) and then I had to blow a dandelion gracefully ( except I looked like a puffa fish every time I tried). Well not surprisingly after that shoot well…that night I got sick. My voice now sounds crap and I have a seriously blocked nose. Byeess time to wallow in my own misery. xoxoxo |
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posted : Saturday, September 10, 2011
title : When will the day come when i look into the mirror and I like what I see and who I am?
 Its ironic because that's how I live my life. I smile on the outside, and everyone thinks I'm doing fine but I'm always dying inside, always one step away from the edge you know? I can't be happy to be who I am because I don't know who I am anymore. Another week has flown by. Every day is a step closer to exams and also a step closer to the HOLIDAYS! I really should me studying now but every time I sit down to study I tend to procrastinate. Technology and electronic devices play a major part in my life. Without them I would like die. No joke. A couple of my all time favourites and I would be totally lost without them are:
Trying to find a formal dress gives me a migraine. After countless stores and change rooms I still haven’t found the perfect dress that screams MEE! Nope, the David Jones dresses are ghastly, the boutiques I have set foot into either have dresses that are made out of shit material or have gigantic sequins or diamantes sewn on them. Ahh well I still have plenty of time but everyday that passes feels like times running out. Sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much.  |
A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face~
